We ALL Have Mental Health; It’s a sign of strength to tend to it.

Apr 20

The fact is we all have mental health. And just like our physical health, our mental health varies over time along a spectrum of heath-to-illness. There are times when the flu keeps us down, but with care we recover. And there are times when depression gets us down, but with support, we can overcome. Just like some physical health conditions are best managed with medication, for some mental health conditions, wellness is maintained with medication. Mental illness impacts nearly one in five adults in the U.S. While symptoms can feel distressing, know there is hope and healing.

It is no secret that many mental health professionals enter the field for personal reasons. Mine was personal too. I grew up thinking anxiety was normal – that everyone felt uncomfortable in their body, in social situations, and lived with draining fears. I have spent a good deal of my lifetime learning to understand my mind and body. And I am grateful to say that I have found ways where anxiety no longer directs much of my life.

My first anxious memory dates to kindergarten. I often felt acutely afraid that someone at my grade school would forget to turn off the oven after a class baking activity resulting in the school burning down. This worry kept me up on more than one occasion.

In fifth grade my anxiety transferred to performance on the basketball court. Before every game I felt nauseous. I would shake and feel miserable until we got to the gym. I would gaze at my teammates in a huddle laughing and having fun and wondering,

“What am I doing wrong?”

That is the thing with anxiety – before you learn that those symptoms have a name and an entire biochemical response in your body, you assume you are not trying hard enough to be “normal.” And this blame can result in negative beliefs about your worth and efficacy.

This was true for me. That belief I was not trying hard enough to be normal resulted in my trying hard to be good at school. The thought was “maybe if I get good enough grades, I’ll finally feel okay.” I was sad to discover that achievements did not bring me peace and joy. I distinctly recall receiving an academic distinction I had worked years towards and thinking,

“Well, I’m still the same. There must be a different way.”

I was in graduate school the first time I experienced a debilitating panic attack. I was driving to a meeting for my internship. I could feel anxiety building. My throat felt like it was closing. I had a tough time regulating my breath. I felt like I might vomit. Then the dizziness, trembling, and numbness in my extremities set in and I could no longer drive. I pulled over and had to call my mom for help. Not knowing what was happening to me, I ended up in the ER to discover I had experienced a panic attack.

In a way, I am grateful to the panic attacks, because it led me towards that “different way.” I would be foolish if I thought I could “just handle it” myself, so I sought therapy. Understanding the biological process of panic helped me to ride it out when it happened. I learned to challenge the expectations I put upon myself that added to my anxiety. I also took medication to assist my biology.

Panic also led me to yoga. Yoga helped me find moments of peace engaging my body and breath as a resource. I learned “be” in the moment to feel well instead of constantly “doing” to try to outrun anxiety. With help, over the past twenty years, the anxious thoughts have slowed, and on most days, my body can relax. I sleep well, and I can be in relationships with more ease. I have experienced a shift from illness to wellbeing.

Why share all this? Because we all have mental health. Mental health is as important as physical health. I am a better wife, mother, friend, and therapist when I tend to both. And I want my own boys, and their friends, to know that tending to emotional wellness is a sign of strength. There is hope and healing.

Wouldn’t it be great if we lived in such a way that ANY of these responses would seem normal to share in response to the casual question, “How are you?”

“I’m doing well – I sought tutoring this semester and I’m pleased with how that helped my grades.”
“Good! I started cooking more at home and I like how my body feels.”
“Great—I’m finally in a workout routine and I like feeling stronger and energized.”
“Terrific! I’ve decided to tend to my mental health and started therapy and I’m happy with the insights and tools I’m acquiring.”